5 Ways to Help Missionaries Who Come Home Early

5 Ways to Help Missionaries Who Come Home Early

I have found that since the lowering of the age requirements to serve a mission, that many, many missionaries have had to come home early from their missions for some reason or another. I am one of these early-returned missionaries and I have found that many people have a hard time adjusting to coming home after making a great decision to serve the Lord. Not only do you have to deal with the reason that you came home alongside with the normal, awkward, barely returned missionary stage, but you also have to deal with people who might not complete understand your situation. I have noticed that a lot of returned missionaries that feel like they are going to be judged for coming home early, do in fact focus on the negative reactions to their homecoming.  I’m sure that the amount of judgment varies from place to place and from situation to situation; but, at least for me, the main problem wasn’t being judged, but rather having good, caring people try to make things better and somehow make them worse. 

To those of you who know me, this is not a critique of your behaviour, but I thought that it would be a fantastic thing if people knew how to help early-returned missionaries. So here you go! From the perspective of a recently early-returning missionary - the guide to how to deal with us.

1. Judge not lest ye be judged– “Medical release” in Mormon culture today seems to signify that it is “acceptable” for the missionary to be released in such circumstances. I’m going to let you in on a secret - every missionary that comes home early, comes home for “medical reasons.” There is more than one way to be sick. Some come home due to physical illness, some because of mental illness, some because of spiritual illness, some due to emotional illness, some due to a family illness, and some due to illnesses of other sorts. It is a common, and frankly quite stupid, fault with our society that physical illness is considered to be so much more “normal” than any other kind. If someone tears their meniscus, people feel bad for them and when they’re on crutches, no one judges. On the other hand, if they have been diagnosed with a mental disorder or if they have committed a sin, you should treat them with the same amount of care and kindness. Leave the judgment to God and be kind. To those who have a problem with this, consider Christ’s words, but I will change the word “sin” so that it fits the rest of the categories here. He said, “he who is without [illness] among you, let him be the first to throw a stone.”

2. Ditch the interviews – While it is genuinely nice to have people show that they care by inquiring after you, probing questions rope a person back into thinking about what they’ve been trying not to think about. Do your best to treat the returned missionary like they are a person. Ask to help them, but a room full of people asking how you are doing when you’re in physical, mental, or emotional pain simply reminds you of said pain. Show your love, but not by interrogating them, even if it is done out of kindness.

3. Keep them busy – One of the most difficult things is adjusting from a lifestyle where every detail is planned and you are constantly moving, to just sitting there. Help them find productive, fun, and wholesome things to do. Study the scriptures with them, pray with them, and help them to heal in everyway possible.

4. Let them consult the Lord – Occasionally there are speedy recoveries and the early-returned missionary has a second chance to head out to the mission field. Whether or not they choose to go back is entirely between them and the Lord. It is not your place to tell them what their Heavenly Father has in store for them. Encourage them to seek heavenly counsel, but you cannot receive revelation in place of them. If they choose to return and serve, more power to them. If they choose to follow the Lord’s path for them in a different way, an equal amount of respect is required. If they choose to start falling away from the Church, then is the time to pull them into the rescue boat. But it still up to them to receive their own answers.

5. Be a friend – More often than not, this time in a person’s life will be one of the most difficult things they have come across in their twenty or so years of living. Most likely they will break down. Most likely they will at one point become bitter and frustrated and have their faith severely challenged. That doesn't mean that they cannot be happy or progress, but they need a friend who is willing to encourage them to be better at their best, and mourn with them (and also encourage them to be better… that should be a pretty much constant thing) when they are at their worst.

People who come home early are in the process of healing or fixing something, whether it is their foot, or their heart, or their spirit, or their family, or their mind. There is one more optional step that I would like to throw in there… If they want to, allow them to ramble about their missions. I don’t know if you’ve ever hung out with a freshly returned missionary, but all they seem to want to talk about is that one time when they went tracting and a wild pack of raccoons (animal may change based on section of the world) chased them away from the door of a golden investigator and they had to outrun them while carrying a broken bike and twenty copies of the Book of Mormon. This makes perfect sense because the mission was their whole life for a long time. If this makes them feel better, sit and listen. Listen and learn so that you can love even more fully.

I’m going to step off my soap box and let you all return to your busy lives, but before I go I wanted to give a shout out to all those who are struggling with coming home early from their missions. You are children of God and He and I love you very much. I’m here if you need anyone to talk to. I’m also going to be posting one of these with steps for my fellow ERMs, so keep an eye out and hopefully it will help. I’m not claiming to cure anything, but I do know that Christ took upon himself all of our infirmities of every kind and through Him we can get over anything. Chin up and keep smiling!