5 Ways to Help
Missionaries Who Come Home Early
I have found that
since the lowering of the age requirements to serve a mission, that many, many
missionaries have had to come home early from their missions for some reason or
another. I am one of these early-returned missionaries and I have found that
many people have a hard time adjusting to coming home after making a great
decision to serve the Lord. Not only do you have to deal with the reason that
you came home alongside with the normal, awkward, barely returned missionary
stage, but you also have to deal with people who might not complete understand
your situation. I have noticed that a lot of returned missionaries that feel
like they are going to be judged for coming home early, do in fact focus on the
negative reactions to their homecoming. I’m
sure that the amount of judgment varies from place to place and from situation to
situation; but, at least for me, the main problem wasn’t being judged, but
rather having good, caring people try to make things better and somehow make
them worse.
To those of you who know me, this is not a critique of your
behaviour, but I thought that it would be a fantastic thing if people knew how
to help early-returned missionaries. So here you go! From the perspective of a
recently early-returning missionary - the guide to how to deal with us.
1. Judge not lest
ye be judged– “Medical release” in Mormon culture today seems to signify that
it is “acceptable” for the missionary to be released in such circumstances. I’m
going to let you in on a secret - every missionary that comes home early, comes
home for “medical reasons.” There is more than one way to be sick. Some come
home due to physical illness, some because of mental illness, some because of
spiritual illness, some due to emotional illness, some due to a family illness,
and some due to illnesses of other sorts. It is a common, and frankly quite
stupid, fault with our society that physical illness is considered to be so
much more “normal” than any other kind. If someone tears their meniscus, people
feel bad for them and when they’re on crutches, no one judges. On the other
hand, if they have been diagnosed with a mental disorder or if they have committed
a sin, you should treat them with the same amount of care and kindness. Leave
the judgment to God and be kind. To those who have a problem with this, consider
Christ’s words, but I will change the word “sin” so that it fits the rest of
the categories here. He said, “he who is without [illness] among you, let him be the first to throw a stone.”
2. Ditch the interviews – While it is
genuinely nice to have people show that they care by inquiring after you,
probing questions rope a person back into thinking about what they’ve been
trying not to think about. Do your best to treat the returned missionary like
they are a person. Ask to help them, but a room full of people asking how you
are doing when you’re in physical, mental, or emotional pain simply reminds you
of said pain. Show your love, but not by interrogating them, even if it is done
out of kindness.
3. Keep them busy – One of the most
difficult things is adjusting from a lifestyle where every detail is planned
and you are constantly moving, to just sitting there. Help them find
productive, fun, and wholesome things to do. Study the scriptures with them,
pray with them, and help them to heal in everyway possible.
4. Let them consult the Lord –
Occasionally there are speedy recoveries and the early-returned missionary has a
second chance to head out to the mission field. Whether or not they choose to
go back is entirely between them and the Lord. It is not your place to tell
them what their Heavenly Father has in store for them. Encourage them to seek
heavenly counsel, but you cannot receive revelation in place of them. If they choose to
return and serve, more power to them. If they choose to follow the Lord’s path
for them in a different way, an equal amount of respect is required. If they choose to start falling away from the Church, then is the time to pull them into the rescue boat. But it still up to them to receive their own answers.
5. Be a friend – More often than not,
this time in a person’s life will be one of the most difficult things they have
come across in their twenty or so years of living. Most likely they will break
down. Most likely they will at one point become bitter and frustrated and have
their faith severely challenged. That doesn't mean that they cannot be happy or
progress, but they need a friend who is willing to encourage them to be better
at their best, and mourn with them (and also encourage them to be better… that
should be a pretty much constant thing) when they are at their worst.
People who come home early are in the
process of healing or fixing something, whether it is their foot, or their heart, or their spirit, or their family, or their mind. There is one more optional step that I would
like to throw in there… If they want to, allow them to ramble about their
missions. I don’t know if you’ve ever hung out with a freshly returned
missionary, but all they seem to want to talk about is that one time when they
went tracting and a wild pack of raccoons (animal may change based on section
of the world) chased them away from the door of a golden investigator and they had to outrun them while carrying a broken bike and twenty copies of the Book
of Mormon. This makes perfect sense because the mission was their whole life
for a long time. If this makes them feel better, sit and listen. Listen and
learn so that you can love even more fully.
I’m going to step off my soap box
and let you all return to your busy lives, but before I go I wanted to give a
shout out to all those who are struggling with coming home early from their
missions. You are children of God and He and I love you very much. I’m here if
you need anyone to talk to. I’m also going to be posting one of these with
steps for my fellow ERMs, so keep an eye out and hopefully it will help. I’m
not claiming to cure anything, but I do know that Christ took upon himself all
of our infirmities of every kind and through Him we can get over anything. Chin
up and keep smiling!
